A Mom with Postpartum Depression

Recently I wrote about the sneaky guilt spiral that I was in.  While most of the feelings in the post are completely normal to have as a new parent, it became too much for me to handle on my own.  I felt like I was in a hole sinking deeper and deeper not being able to get myself out.  I could not get a win, and my world seemed like it was against me.  I was not able to find any joy in my day to day existence, and was really struggling.

My OB had suggested weeks prior to that post that I take an antidepressant for postpartum depression and I turned her down.  I felt that if I took her up on her offer, that I was a failure.  I don’t know why I felt this way. It’s a stigma that taking medication for mental illness always seems to drag along with it. However, after three days of breaking down for no reason I called my OB and ended up getting a prescription for Zoloft.  It was too much for me to handle on my own and I needed some help.

I have been on the medication for well over a month now and I have not told many people about it.  I feel embarrassed, like I lost some sort of battle by asking for help.  I go out with my friends and feel like I have some dirty little secret that I can’t share.  What if they judge me?  What if they think I am not as good of a mom as them?  What if they think I am weak?  What if they think I am crazy?

Then I thought to myself “I am not perfect, I should not expect myself to be perfect, and if I need help that doesn’t make me a failure.  It makes me strong to admit it.”  I want to be open and honest about my journey through motherhood, and I don’t want to hide or feel shame for any bumps along the road.  I want others to feel empowered to get the help they need, and not feel the shame and guilt that I felt.

This interview from Kristen Bell really spoke to me.  This quote in particular

If you do decide to go on a prescription to help yourself, understand that the world wants to shame you for that, but in the medical community, you would never deny a diabetic his insulin ever! But for some reason, when someone needs a serotonin inhibitor, they’re immediately crazy or something.

Motherhood is unbelievably hard, and there are chemical imbalances that happen when you have a child.  SO many hormones are out of whack, and I have suffered many ups and downs over the last 6 months — not to mention how my entire life has changed in the blink of an eye.  I write about my journey because hopefully I can be a cog in the wheel to normalize the need for medication for those who suffer postpartum depression.

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