The Sneaky Guilt Spiral

Fellow moms I want to discuss the sneaky guilt spiral.

I want to discuss this because no one talks about it, and I want to let people know…

  1. It’s ok to feel the way you do.
  2. Most other people feel the same way.

If you have read some of my articles, I like talking about the things no one wants to talk about… so here we go!

First off… body image

Pre pregnancy I weighed 140 lbs.  I am around 5’6, so that is around a normal weight to height ratio.  I was active, but also enjoyed my ice cream and wine.  When I was pregnant I gained 15 lbs which is pretty low, but still normal for most pregnancies.  Post pregnancy I developed post partum thyroiditis and lost a lot of weight very quickly.,  I ended up weighing  125 lbs.  I do yoga every day and walk a lot and have pretty much stayed at that weight.  

I am pretty thin, I get that.  However, I still have the same feelings a lot of moms have expressed to me.

I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person I am.  I literally think “who is this person looking back at me.”  None of my clothes fit.  I feel like a frumpy yucky mess, with stretch marks and loose skin all over my belly.  Even though my stomach is flat, I still have that baggy skin on my belly.  I am working hard, and I have a healthy body but under that skin.  It makes me rage!  I hate the way I look and I hate the way I feel, then feel guilty about it because hey I am lucky I lost weight!  I then feel guilty I am obsessing over my looks.  Guilty I am obsessing over something so superficial. Guilty I feel guilty I feel guilty.  The sneaky guilt spiral.

MONEY

So, I’ve got this completely new body and none of my clothes fit.  Literally nothing fits — not even my bras.  I want new clothes so that I don’t have saggy poopy pants and loose shirts.  I find myself at Target looking at clothes and walking out with nothing.  I have done this many, many times.  It always ends up me going home feeling so defeated, and sometimes crying in the car on the way back.

Why?

I feel guilty spending money.  I am a SAHM I don’t contribute any money to our family, how can I go on a shopping spree for clothes?  Then I feel guilty that I feel guilty at the thought of spending money.  Guilt guilt guilt.  

WTF.

I know this was a decision that my husband and I made together, it made sense for me to stay at home.  Even though I know this and I know that he would want me to buy pants that fit me… I can’t bring myself to do it and I feel so much worse than when I stepped into the store.  I leave feeling defeated and terrible about myself.


Clothes is just one example for me, this goes through my head for pretty much everything I buy.  “Was that face wash necessary?”

“Did I need to get those groceries.”

“Should I go out for coffee with my friends?”

I spiral SO FUCKING hard with money.  

Asking for Help

My job title is “SAHM” right?  So I feel incredibly guilty asking my husband, or anyone for help.  For 5 months I was taking care of my daughter pretty much 100% of the time.  Not because my husband was not willing to help me, but because I was not willing to let him help me.  I felt so guilty asking him for help, and then letting him help.  I don’t help him with his job, why should he help me with mine?  When Autumn started teething and she was/is up every two hours (HOPEFULLY THIS ENDS SOON.) I was getting up every time at night and taking care of her all day long so I finally decided to cave and ask for some assistance.  

I felt that if I asked for help that I was failing at my job.  Even the person behind me wanting to open the door for me.  I find myself hurriedly saying “no I got it.”  I don’t want to inconvenience even strangers.

Not only do I guilt spiral when I ask for help, I guilt spiral when I don’t.  Then I guilt spiral when I get the help.  I really don’t feel like I can’t win with this one.

Conclusion

I know a lot of moms have this internal struggle, and I want them to know that it is ok!  I don’t have any solution, but I want the mom tribe to know that we all have this sneaky guilt spiral in one way or another.  Is there something you want to get off your chest?  Is there a category of guilt spiral I didn’t mention?  Comment below, I would love to start a discussion!

7 thoughts on “The Sneaky Guilt Spiral

  1. I feel guilt when I spend all day with my baby and don’t get anything done. Then I feel guilt if I set my baby down for the majority of the day and get a ton of stuff done! It is so hard for me to find balance. gahhh. Your post was spot on Heather. I love your writing style and your honesty.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. The sneaky guilt spiral – no mom is safe from it IMHO. Thanks for addressing it! I would add the additional category of feeling guilty when something – anything – is going right/well/positive for the baby/you/your family. For example, I happen to be blessed with young children (baby and tot) who sleep relatively well. See what I did there? I added the words ‘blessed’ and ‘relatively’ because I feel bad even typing that they do sleep well even though it is just a fact. I feel guilty because I know that there are so many parents who do not have this in their lives and want it. Why can’t I give myself permission to enjoy what I do have and stop comparing? Or, speaking of comparing, is that a completely different category?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I compare my baby all the time! I can totally relate about the sleep thing. My baby is a great sleeper and I always feel like I should keep my mouth shut about it.

      Comparing would be a great article. I have a lot to say about that!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. My guilt spiral has more to do with playing with Kelby. I am a part-time SAHM so while I get to work I also get to hang out with my kiddo a ton. Everyone tells you to cherish every moment because it goes by so quickly. On good days I tell myself this. But I often find myself frustrated or impatient and I feel guilty about not being 100% happy being a mom all the time. How many couples out there struggle with fertility? How many parents don’t get to be with their kids most of the day? I should feel so lucky! And yet I feel guilty and then guilty about feeling guilty because I should get over myself. Aah! I say this as I’m pulling Kelby around in his beloved wagon behind me lol

    Liked by 2 people

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